What is the mystery that a ‘tween can emerge from a shower soaking wet and somehow still reek like kid-funk? Those of you that know the pure loveliness of smelling a newborns head, enjoy it now, before your kid starts to stink.
I am doing an experiment at my house about the length of a marriage and the male partner’s inability to find things. At this point I have concluded it’s all down hill after the first year. He can no longer find the children’s shoes which are always in the shoe box by the backdoor or the coats which are always in the coat closet. He asked where he might find the applesauce last night while I was on the couch grading spelling homework. Was it sarcastic to pretend to look under my bottom? No, I was not sitting on it. Oddly enough, it was in the pantry, in the “sauces” area. He is defenseless in my attempts to beguile him with my mysterious ways.
Do you ever wonder about what your kids friends tell their parent’s about what goes on at your house? One day I was ready to kill both kids and become a reverse-orphan and uttered “I am going to beat you….” but all I had in my hand was a roll of paper towels since I was cleaning the bathroom. So I offered up “with paper towels”. Wouldn’t you know that was one of The Boy’s first sentences which he happily volunteer’s to everyone he meets. Ask him “What does Momma say?” he says “Jaaaaaaaaayke. Beat you….paper towels”. Nice. I only made it worse when after a Sam’s Club trip we had a gross of paper towel rolls to put away, I just let loose and attacked the kids with them (we happened to have neighbor kids at the time) and I beat all of them with the rolls of towels and they had so much fun. But it probably didn’t sound so good when they relayed the story to their parents. Crazy, unstable Mrs. Hall, carrying that coupon binder everywhere, abusing children with paper products.
About 15 minutes before company was due to arrive for dinner, DH was in a battle with the boy to get a diaper back on him. I can’t help but laugh a little at how this 30 lb creature sets the rules around here, but anyways….In his infinite wisdom he decides to just “let him go” and tells the boy to “tell daddy if you need to go” , seriously I am LMBO, (buns people, this is a family site) AS IF THAT WOULD HAPPEN (I don’t think he reads this site for updates). It isn’t long before there is poop falling out of the boy’s pant legs, he’s freaking, dad is freaking and mom is freaking because I really didn’t need this right before company comes. The boys have to rush off to the shower and it is off-the-charts gross, poop smears all over the carpet. I get ticked if I have to pick food out of the drain because someone dumps their cereal bowl on the wrong side, cleaning poo out of the shower drain pushes me over the edge. If I wanted to clean up poop on the rug, I would get a dog, that unlike the kids, wouldn’t back-talk me or ask for money. Then there is the matter of the wiped out pants on the floor of the shower afterwards. I may be frugal but not THAT frugal and had to toss ‘em.
WHO KEEPS DOING THIS?
How was your week?